Nine Goals for 2013

Here are some personal goals for next year. I'm hoping that putting them on the internet will help hold me accountable! Probably not, but worth a try!

• Read Scripture and pray more often with my wife
• Teach my boys something new every month
• Adopt a baby girl
• Keep up with our expenses better
• Eat less refined sugars and process oils
• Listen to more music
• Get in a good workout once a week
• Waste less time on video games
• Stop doing unneccesary work at home

Remember

What makes it easy to treat people bad?

Some things you say and you can't take 'em back

What makes it easy to run from the past,

like a child runs from the dark?

Which is the poison and which is the wine?

The scent and the colors are so much alike

And how much of each will it take to decide,

when your at the table alone?

Where do you go when it's perfectly clear?

You might find your way but you won't find it here

What makes it easy to sound so sincere,

when you know that you don't care? 

- "Find My Love", The Avett Brothers

Yesterday, a friend's sermon reminded me how important it is to remember God's love. We usually run from pain instead of pressing into it and remembering Jesus. Instead of embracing feelings of failure and guilt and letting them point us back to the Gospel, we try to act like they don't exist or worse - we just feel more guilty for feeling guilty! That, I think, is the vicious cycle I have been in for awhile. It came out in tears yesterday. I feel like a failure... and it's OK. That means I'm human and not perfect and I need a Savior. I don't have to be right all the time. That's all I've got for now... and it's enough.

False Promises

As part of a study my wife and I are doing together, I was asked to journal about false promises I have believed in rather than trusting Jesus. This is my attempt after two weeks of reflection.

As a child, I was one of those kids that received too much positive reinforcement from my family. I believed I was the favorite. I believed I was smarter than literally everyone I knew. I may have been somewhat precocious, but I also sought attention for it. I delighted in the positive feedback and often rubbed it in my sister's face. Yes, I was "that kid".

Combine all that with the emotional trauma I experienced from the complete and total rejection of my family at age 15, and you have a recipe for narcissism. As an adult, I still struggle with a need for attention and approval, feelings of superiority and clan-destiny, as well as a tendency to get down on myself and suspicious of others. I also find myself feeling anxious or angry depending on my circumstances.

My past is no excuse for my troubles, but it helps explain my particular imbalance. There are a number of false promises I have believed:

- I am intelligent enough to make my own path (without God).
- I am destined to succeed in life (by my own skill).
- I am entitled to a better than average lot (see above).
- Other people are there to help me get there (for me to take advantage of).
- I am a victim (so don't criticize me).

That's enough of a start... I'm sure there's more to it. Jesus has an answer for all that. He is the master of my path. He promises no worldly success, but he does promise approval in Christ. I am helpless without Him. I am not worthy. But I am more loved than I could imagine. I need not be suspicious of others or seek to use them. I need not fear criticism. All I need to do is look at Jesus.

I love NFL football. Last night, the Jets lost to the Texans but it was not as ugly as people thought it would be. Everyone expected Mark Sanchez to loss his starting job to Tim Tebow. The fans and media were clearly hoping Sanchez would flop. His play was average, but not bad enough to get him benched. Given the pressure, it could have been a lot worse. Before the game, one of the commentators said they talked to the coach, Rex Ryan, about the situation. The question: "What did you tell Sanchez to get his mind off of the pressure?" Ryan replied, "I told him to just look at me. My opinion is the only one that matters."

Rex Ryan is no savior and I'm not an NFL quarterback, but I need to hear Jesus saying that to me every day.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Naked

"He arrived naked from the womb of his mother; He'll leave in the same condition-with nothing." - Ecclesiastes 5:15 (The Message) C.S. Lewis tells a parable about an apartment building. Rather than paraphrase it badly, I'll just give the quote:

Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic.

I spend far too much time spiritually disheveled over things I cannot control. I will probably never experience the kind of suffering Job experienced in this life, but I could use just an ounce of his philosophy, which is echoed by Solomon. I got here naked and I will leave naked. The Lord gives and the Lord takes. Everything in between is a blessing. YOLO - You Only Live Once. That's this generation's version of Hakuna Matata I guess. Last week, I saw someone tweet that they would rather live twice and die once than live once and die twice. Scary, but Biblical! Placing all of our hopes and dreams on this short life is a recipe for mental breakdown. Sometimes God strips me naked and it is a healthy dose of realism I can't live without. I'm thankful, today at least, that He cares enough about me to keep me from my dreams when they mean more to me than He does.

Who do you see?

Lil Wayne is on top of the world of pop culture. By that standard, he is at the pinnacle of success. He embodies the concept of "young money". Most of his lyrics promote self and the values of a culture focused on self. But now, like so many successful people before him, he is pulling back the curtain for the world to see what he really thinks of himself. And even if it is just for a moment, it sheds a lot of light on the folly of this world's values. Here are some of the lyrics of his recent hit "Mirror":

I see the blood in your eyes
I see the blood in disguise
I see the pain hidden in your pride
I see you’re not satisfied
I see the truth in your lies
I see nobody by your side
I see the guilt beneath the shame
I see your soul through your windowpane
I see the scars that remain
I see you Wayne

So often, we see men and women reach the top and discover it is not what they thought it would be. Their success only highlights the emptiness we all feel when we pursue idolatry. We look in the mirror and we cannot hide the truth. When you look in the mirror, who do you see?

Jesus offers us a different value system - one in which all of His children have worth. Our worldly success does not matter to Jesus. He has always seen us for who we really are. He knows the guilt, the shame, and the pain. He doesn't want us to be enslaved to those things. We can embrace the identity we try to make for ourselves, or we can accept the identity that God creates for us. Then the question becomes, "Who does God see?"

Leadership

‎"My own conviction is that the flesh is still so strong in the Christian leader that each of us needs a healthy fear of our own capacity for ruining the work of God with our unconscious pride...a pastor really needs to be broken before God every day, or he will break up the church of God with his willfulness or let it slip into spiritual death through his sloth." - Jack Miller

I've been focusing a lot on the concept of leadership the last few months and I'll confess I'm overwhelmed by the things I'm reading, including all the Scripture devoted to the idea. I've thought of myself as an enthusiastic, self-starter. In reality, I'm probably more over-zealous at times than I should be and prone to work in my own strength, which is not the mark of a good leader. I added the following two verses to my computer's desktop. They will be the first thing I see each day before I start work.

Exodus 18:18 "You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone."



2 Corinthians 4:5 "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."


I was reminded by an article that Jesus did not die to make me a great leader and pastor, but to make me His son. That is always more than enough! May he give me the grace to be patient, encouraging, humble, and better at listening - and none of it for my glory!

But That's Not What I Wanted!

"As long as you grab for what makes you feel good or makes you look important, are you really much different than a babe at the breast, content only when everything's going your way?" - 1 Corinthians 3:3 (The Message)


I'm the father of two young boys. Both of them have ways of fighting for control and neither of them ever seems content unless everything is going their way. Both of them are also masters of whining, recently perpetuated by a wicked show named Caillou in which the main character, a 4 year old, whines about literally everything and is never disciplined. I want them to learn contentment when things are less certain. It's going to be difficult to teach them when I struggle with the same thing.


That's been a powerful lesson for me lately - something my children are helping me learn, slowly and surely. The idol of my heart that seems to rise up most often and fight for center stage is an idol of control. I loathe uncertainty and I find myself grasping for bits and pieces of control to hedge my bets. It seems as though I have not grown up much. I still want everything to go my way. And did I mention that I hate uncertainty?


So what do I do about the worry and the inordinate desire for control? I can start by remembering that God loves me in spite of my discontent even more than I love my children in spite of theirs. I don't have plans to make life miserable for my children, but I do want them to grow and learn. I have good reason to suspect that God isn't planning to derail all my hopes and dreams either, but he will do whatever is necessary to put me on my knees. 


Also, I need help. My kids can't overcome this alone. Neither can I. I need to confess this idol to people that care about me and enlist their help. When they see me worried or frustrated, I need their reminders that things won't always go my way and the future will not always be clear. And yet, God loves me and that is enough. I have to remind myself that the One who IS in control has a pretty good track record of making awesomeness out of nothing.

Am I a Christian Mafioso?

I'm reading The Next Evangelicalism by Soong-Chan Rah. So far it is rattling my chains big time. I'm especially being challenged by the section on primary and secondary cultures and how that distinction sheds light on church growth models. Primary cultural systems are more relational, verbal, dependent on others. Secondary cultural systems are more industrial, informational, and object-oriented.

Rah uses the Mafia as an example of an organization that uses primary culture to advance secondary culture in an unhealthy way. It is built on relationships and family connections, but the goal is economic gain and power. Am I guilty as a church leader of promoting the idea of relationships to the end of church growth? If so, does that make me any better than a Christian Mafioso?

There is something here to repent of. Relationships are the end, not the means. Rah goes on to say that the healthy intersection is when primary cultural systems are advanced by secondary systems, not the other way around. I'm finding myself asking another question: do I even know what my culture is apart from secondary systems?

Every Day

"Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today,' that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." (Hebrews 3:12-13 ESV)

God is carrying all Christians through the process of sanctification, making us more like Jesus over time. But the writer of Hebrews seems clear to me that our own hearts are fighting in the opposite direction. What is the safeguard that God uses to overcome our natural tendency toward hard hearts? The answer is the Spirit's work through community. We need people exhorting us, or encouraging us away from sin, on a daily basis. This is "speaking the truth in love", and it dispels the notion that sanctification is a "me and God" thing. God built us for relationships, so it makes sense that he would use them to change us. Also, pretty much all of our sin happens in the context of relationships, so it makes sense that we change in that same context.

I sometimes tire of the daily need to repent of something I did to my wife. I recently told her, "If only I could go one day without having to deal with something I did or said wrong!" I think this way because I don't take my sin seriously enough. The minute I take a break from the battle is a minute I've lost to dark side. Ignoring sin is a step toward hardheartedness.

The same thing is true when it comes to saying hard things to people you love. We are told do it "today" and not to wait. The longer we wait, the less loving we are. Words spoken in love are like standing with a fellow soldier on a battlefield. Words never spoken are like walking away from a wounded brother to save yourself. God help us for our failure to love one another well.

8 Years, Still a Noob

Eight years ago today I married my best friend. I love that our anniversary falls so close to New Year's, because it is the perfect time to remind me to prioritize my marriage. This time of year, like everyone else I begin thinking about goals for the future and that normally begins with work goals. But my anniversary is an important and strategically positioned reminder that my family comes first, especially my wife. I recently watched Mark Driscoll recount the biographies of a host of historical Christian leaders who accomplished amazing things and are remembered for their work. But each of them failed miserably as a husband and father. I pray that I will not "sacrifice my family on the altar of ministry." And if (when) I do, may I be given the grace to repent quickly.