Someone I care about almost died. A few days after the event, I stood in the hospital bathroom washing my hands and at the other end of the mirror I saw a man staring at the dental floss in his hands. His hands were gripped tightly around the floss and his face looked defeated. He saw me in the mirror and asked how my loved one was doing. We were on the ICU floor, so he knew it was serious. I replied that my loved one was going to make it. He smiled as the tears began to flow down both cheeks. He told me his wife was going to die of cancer, leaving him and his two teenage boys behind. I didn't know the man, but I reached out to him and embraced him. I promised to pray and then said the only thing I knew to say. It was something I would not have known to say a few days earlier, but my own experience shaped the brief exchange of words:
You feel helpless.
Yes...
Since that moment, I have noticed the gentle leading of the Spirit directing me to witness many more events in my life that confirm my helplessness. I am helpless, powerless to control things much less profound than death. I cannot control my children. I cannot control my future. I cannot control anything. And yet, I find myself desperately clinging to the possibility like floss around my finger hoping it will not slip away. If only they would listen. If only this would work.
Jesus loves me enough to let me feel helpless, if that's what it takes for me to remember that He's got it covered.
My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved.
Psalm 121
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